Irrational Things I'm Afraid Of
a list by Lauren Kay
ONE: the dark. sometimes i still think there are wolves under my bed. i know, i know, i'm not seven anymore (or 12 or 15 or 18...) but i somehow always thought there were wolves under my bed as a kid. i used to have to place pillows along the base of the bed so the wolves couldn't come out. (and sometimes when i'm at my parent's house i feel the urge to run up the back stairs two at a time as fast as i can so they can't follow. because obviously wolves aren't able to climb stairs.
TWO: having not cute babies. this obviously shouldn't even be a thing because i'm no where near having babies so why would i be worried that my babies wouldn't be cute? i think it's because most of my friends from college are on baby two, three, four even. and there are pictures all over facebook and i can't help having not as nice thoughts as i should occasionally. NOTE: i'm sure i'm not talking about YOUR baby, YOUR baby is adorable.
THREE: spiders in the shower. this morning there was a teeny tiny spider hanging from the bottom of my shampoo bottle. i lifted the shampoo in an effort to rid the space of the spider. then the spider dropped down the the edge of the tub. i proceeded to splash water on that itty bitty spider until it got caught in the stream of shower water to the drain. but as it floated towards the drain i had to do a little dance to make sure the drowning spider didn't inadvertently hit my foot.
FOUR: my earring being ripped out of my ear. a few months ago my earring somehow got caught on my sweater at work. i was bringing a guest into the building for a meeting and somehow my earring was irreversibly stuck to my sweater. i couldn't get the earring out either because of the way it was stuck and all i could think at the time, while i tried to squelch my panic and remain calm in front of our guest, but what actually happened was my voice sqeeking out, "i'm stuck! will you unstick my earring???" i'm pretty sure my plea for help probably sounded more like, "OMG OMG OMG MY EAR IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF AND THE WORLD WILL END IF YOU, THE PERSON I MET NOT 90 SECONDS AGO, DON'T STOP SMALL TALKING WITH ME AND HELP UNHOOK THE EARRING FROM MY CARDIGAN!" yes. i'm dramatic. but i would hate to have my earring ripped out. i have equally scary moments when little babies get overly excited and grabby with their cute little chubby hands.
FIVE: the chainsaw guys at haunted things. i think i'm mostly afraid because i don't know how those work. i've decided to forgo traditional scary halloween things until i know exactly how they make those chain saws safe. until then, you can enjoy being scared without me.
Happy October!
Halloween and all the candy I shouldn't eat are one week away!
