Four years ago

Now I realize I talk about my mission a lot. If it bothers you, I apologize. I think it's because I have two sisters on missions right now that I think and talk about it a lot. But I really do think about my mission a lot. I remember hearing a talk in the MTC by Elder Holland saying that he thought about his mission everyday. I remember thinking that I hoped I didn't think about my mission everyday because that would be living too much in the past!

(Zbyszek and his wife Ewa, investigators in Warsaw)

There are probably some days that I don't really think about my mission, but most days it seems like I have some little Poland thought or other. I might think of a funny experience or a friend there (usually Ewa or Karolina). I read my sister's letters about their struggles and triumphs and can't believe how similar Cami's Finnish mission is to mine.

(Karolina and her cat Mu)

But today, this day, four years ago, I started my mission. I didn't know what to expect. It was exciting, it was hard, it was stressful but it was mostly worth it.

(About to go into the MTC. I'm with my Grandparents, aunt and cousin. Picture scanned on my work scanner. Not that great.)

I had a hard time after my mission feeling like the service I had done was "good enough". I spent a year in counseling in the free BYU counseling center. I lamented telling my Mission President that I had done my "best" during my go-home-interview because I felt like I had lied. I hadn't really felt like I had done my "best" but told him, "Yes" because I knew that was the right answer.

Over a year after my mission I finally realized I had done a good job and that God had accepted it and was happy. And I was happy too.

Delicious!

I made cupcakes for our new Sunday roommate dinner tradition. They were delicious. So delicious.

The recipe was found here.

Weddings

I like weddings. Actually, I LOVE weddings. I read wedding blogs. I browse photographer's blogs. I have a folder on my computer desktop for wedding ideas. I attend multiple weddings a year and if I don't attend the actual wedding, I go to the reception, and if I wasn't there for the reception I made it to the bridal shower or some other wedding thing. This year alone, I have gone to at least 10, I missed one because it was one of my first weeks out here in DC, and I will be going to my cousin's wedding in December. So, because of my wedding love I'd like to share some of the favorite things I've seen from wedding blogs this year.

Don't like weddings? Go to your next blog now.

1. I love this one because of the colors. I really like the square yellow flower thing too, you know, the one with the owl sitting on top.

2. I love the treehouse in this one, and the overall forest feel. I think it's my Northwest roots.

3. The flowers and different glass jars really stand out in this one. And make me happy.

4. These pictures are really cool. I like the fair. I missed the fair this year. (It was rained out.)

5. And lastly, this wedding is my friend Megan's, the wedding I missed. I want her photographer and I also happen to be related to the florist (my sister Emma).

I have lots of other things I would post, but some people just don't want to keep clicking link after link, and if you have a slow computer like my lovely government purchased IBM it runs slow and having too many windows open really complicates things.

So, happy perusing. I sort of feel like I'm on the Wedding Planner, the girl who doesn't have marriage prospects, but still has her life revolve around them. (I don't so much have the life revolving around part, but I do really like them.) Is that pathetic?

Maybe I'll share my thoughts on rings someday. That way, if I ever do have a beau who could turn into a fiance and he asks what type of rings I like I can just say, "Please refer to my blog, Month, Day, Year. It's entitled something like, Rings Lauren's Future Fiance Should Highly Consider Buying..." Maybe that can be a post for another slow afternoon.

Brooke

Read me

May 23, 2004: I sat with her at church. We talked about her freshman year and her missionary. I talked about my upcoming Study Abroad to Vienna.

May 24, 2004: A member of the Stake Presidency calls for my dad saying something about a “Stake Emergency”. My dad’s not home from work yet. When he finally gets home my mom has dinner waiting. He runs in the house puts on grubby clothes and runs out the door where his ride is waiting to take him to Corvallis to look for her.

May 26, 2004: We hold a Stake Fast.

Memorial Day 2004: We put up flyers all over Corvallis, answer “hotline” phone calls and traipse through the shrubbery, fields and forest for her.

May 2005: New evidence has come forward.

Winter 2006: I’m on my mission. My mom writes telling me they think they found the guy who did it. I cry openly in the dark internet café.

May 2006: It’s been two years. They hold a memorial service for her. Her missionary cries a lot. I get the program in the mail.

Over the last three years there were bits of evidence that came forward. They were pretty sure they found the guy who did it. Then they found her hair in his car. They knew they had the guy who did it. He had a trial in New Mexico. Then he was sent to Oregon.

September 21, 2009: He confesses to the murder and tells where the remains are.

I’m in shock. I feel sick. I feel selfish. I whined about not having friends. Yet in the last five years I have done more things and made more friends and have had more experiences than she ever did.

Selfish indeed.

But I know she was a good person, a wonderfully good person. I have no doubt that she is happy, that she is with Heavenly Father and that she will be with her wonderful family again. I’m so happy for the Plan of Salvation.

I’ll post happier from now on.

Unintentional hiatus

Last week I blogged once. Not that you sat around waiting for me to update. But it's unusual.

I don't know what's going on with me. I'm feeling weird lately. My brain has so many conflicting thoughts and emotions that are too private for me to blog openly about. Things I don't like discussing with anyone really.

I'm not particularly happy right now, but I wouldn't say I was unhappy either. I just am. Don't think I'm totally depressed or anything. I'm not. I have happy moments, I'm still quick to laugh and smile but I don't quite have something right now that is making me excited for the now, or looking forward to the future.

I'm not regretting my decision to move.

I have new friends here, but with new friends comes uncharted territory as you try and figure out how much you should hang out with someone without looking needy or how much affection to show just in case they aren't feeling the same way back etc.

I'm missing the familiarity that comes from living in the same place for years.
I'm missing the easiness of getting around with a car.
I'm missing not having to calculate the time difference for calling friends.

It's just a post graduation adjustment that I have to get used to.

Anywhere but here...

Today I don't want to be at work. I don't want to be in DC. I don't want to go to the gym after work. I don't want to clean my room after work.

I just want to be anywhere but here.

And, if I had a choice, it would be preferably here:

Yesterday

Yesterday I had aspirations of writing my thoughts about September 11, 2001 but got side tracked by work.

Yesterday I wanted to write about how it affected me and how I still thought about it when I was in New York last weekend.

Yesterday I wanted to write about how I commute to work using the Pentagon metro stop and how I think about that day long ago when I was still in high school with no thoughts about actually moving to the east.

But today as I woke up and have read news articles and personal stories of those directly affected by the tragedies eight years ago I don't feel like any of my thoughts would mean much. I grew up in the west. All my family is in the west (minus my sisters who are in Malaysia, Helsinki and Paris) and I will most likely, some day, settle in the west again.

But just because I'm from the west, it doesn't mean that day didn't affect me, and doesn't stay with me now. I just know I will never be able to understand the way those who lived it understand, but I'm still American and it's still my country that I love.

Heeeellllloooo New York City!

I had a great time in New York! It was a great amount of time there; my friends who live there miraculously were able to play and didn't have to work; and it was the right mix of fun and relaxation. Just perfect.

Had I had one extra day I would have gone to the Met, but I live close! I can do it next time I go, or the one after that!

Here are a few of the pictures I took from the trip. I forgot my camera so these are the ones from my phone. I still have to get pictures from the US Open on Saturday.

Unfortunately you can't see the balloons very well. (I couldn't get out my phone fast enough) But this lady was carrying a huge bundle of balloons and it looked so great next to the New York buildings.

We ate Saturday brunch at this cute little place. I was so full (as evidenced by my less than flattering tummy pooch) and it was so good. This is me with Carly.

Although we don't have photographic evidence of the bikes, this is Liz and me standing over the reservoir at Central Park. We rented bikes Saturday afternoon and it was wonderful. The weather was warm (maybe a little too warm as evidenced by the amount of sweating I did later in the day), but it was nice in the shade.I've decided that a trip to NYC is not complete without a Shake Shack experience. It was so delicious! Carly and I went twice. Yum! This is right before we went to the US Open to see James Blake get beat. But it was maybe more fun sitting outside watching John Isner beat Andy Roddick on the big screens.On Sunday before church, my new friend Andrea and I went to brunch at Isabella's. It was so delicious. I would go back in a heart beat. It's only open for brunch on Sundays, so it's a good thing I'm a tourist when I go visit, so I can justify the eating out.

The rest of the trip has no evidence, but it was leisurely spent. We went to brunch again on Monday and then to see Julie and Julia. (Loved it.) I packed my suitcase while Liz got ready to go into work (the life of an accountant) and then met up with Carly for our 2nd Shake Shack experience. Mmm.

I can't wait to go back and visit again, but I also couldn't wait to get back to DC to my own bed. To my decent sized closet. To my full sized kitchen. To my living room, sun room and pantry. And to my front yard with trees and flowers and grass. I loved New York, but I love DC just a little more. And that's the way it should be when you're living somewhere right?

Buses and Coldplay

Last June (2008) the latest Coldplay CD came out. I loved the song Viva La Vida because it said Jerusalem in it and I was about to go there. (You know, "I hear Jeru-sa-lem bells are ringing, Roman calvary choirs are singing...") But now it's a year later and I still absolutely adore this CD. I always thought it was weird when people would listen to CDs over and over but this is included in one of three CDs that I feel like I really can listen to over and over.

Now you want to know what CDs I can listen to over and over, I know it.

1. Viva La Vida, Coldplay
2. Songs We Sing, Matt Costa
3. Oranges in the Car, Camille Richey (not yet available to the masses)

But here I am sitting on my double decker bus to NYC. I got really lucky to have two seats all to myself. (I think it helps that the lady across the isle has two adorable little boys with her and they're sitting three to a seat.) I might be the only one with my own "row". I'm not complaining. I'm really grateful to have both seats because I'm incredibly uncomfortable and yet I might be the most comfortable one here! Yet I can't complain completely because I'm listening to my Coldplay.

So, last summer Viva La Vida was played over and over and over while I studied in Jerusalem. This past summer (2009, and yes I realize that the summer isn't completely over, but I have a job now, the summer's over) we listened to it as we drove into the Yosemite Valley and while cleaning or cooking in the house and so now as I sit on the bus and listen to it, it not only reminds me of Jerusalem, but just puts me in a good mood because of the other things it reminds me of. I reminds me of Jerusalem and my friends there; it reminds me of my sisters because we went to the concert together last November; it reminds me of our family trips; it reminds me of being happy and comfortable.

So although I'm uncomfortable and hungry on my way to NYC, it just seems appropriate to listen to it now because it's going to be a wonderful, friend filled, exciting weekend!

I'm coming!

For my lovely NYC dwellers,

I bought bus tickets this afternoon after lunch. Lets play!

Thoughts

I have a jumble of random thoughts today that are now coming out here.

1. I have a mosquito bite on the bottom of my foot and I don't know if I've ever had something more irritating in my life. It itches so bad I can hardly stand it.

2. Going out to coffee sounds so much more grown up than going to get hot chocolate. When asked this week if I wanted to get coffee I thought about the potential dorkiness it would spark when I ordered a hot chocolate (which of course always gets the question, "Would you like whipped cream?" and then they always seem to put sprinkles or sprinkle chocolate powder on it too and it just looks like a concoction perfect for a 9 year old).

3. Today marks the 70 year anniversary of Nazi Germany's invasion of Poland. (1939) And this past weekend I went to the Newseum here in DC and was hit with emotion in the small exhibit about the Berlin Wall. Although it's not Poland, it still reflects the life of the Poles in post-WWII/communist Poland and it makes me sad. This morning I read a few articles today on the relations between Poland and Russia regarding Russia's role in Poland's invasion. (They did nothing to stop Germany from walking in.) I just get overwhelmed when I see all the destruction and sadness caused by greedy, evil people. (That thought was also fueled by the graphic and incredible Pulizer-Prize winning photography exhibition at the Newseum.)

4. I'm trying to decide what to do for Labor Day weekend. Some roommates are doing fun and exciting things (Dallas for the BYU vs. Oklahoma game, Cancun, lake house), others are not. And I am one of those others who are not. Although, NYC is looking pretty tempting. I can see Liz, and Carly, and maybe Laura. We'll see what I end up doing. I suppose I could always go to a museum...

5. I actually had some work to do this morning. I feel productive.