The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good:
Yesterday morning was a struggle to get up since we got home so late from New York and then I remembered I had to write missionary sister Emma before going to bed. So, when I got up I was moving slow and everything seemed to take extra long. We had already missed our express bus so we fixed ourselves lunch and cut a piece of the Cinnamon Raisin bread that our neighbor brought over, and walked leisurely to the bus stop to wait for the next bus. But, as we were about half way there, we saw the bus drive by and knew we wouldn't even be able to sprint and make it! I stopped in the middle of the street, shoulders slumped dejectedly as I knew we just barely missed it. (There's something about just barely missing something that's way tougher to handle than missing by 10 minutes or something.) Then we saw the bus slow down, and stop about 100 feet from our bus stop. And then we started running. And, best part? We made it to work on time! What a nice bus driver. Made my Monday morning.

The Bad:
Today at work is our Holiday Party. I walked out the door, to run to the giant refrigerator in the hall for more food, and there were two people who needed some directions. When I offered to help, somehow my earring got caught on my dress and I couldn't move my shoulder without jeopardizing my ear. I had to stop and ask the woman who was asking for directions to help me out. A total stranger touched my ear and unhooked my shirt. How awkward for her! And kind of awkward for me. I told her we were now Insta-Friends.

The Ugly:
Lisa talked me into going to the Step Aerobics class at the gym. I thought I was coordinated. I thought I was a good dancer. I thought I could pick up moves pretty fast. Step Aerobics has taught me otherwise. Every time the class was doing some spin move and they ended up facing the back of the room, I was still facing front and looking back at everyone looking at me. Every time we were supposed to hop from one side to the other I couldn't make it across the step in time. Every time I finally picked up a step combination the class had already moved to the next combo, in perfect unison I might add! I can't tell you if I'm going to do it again, because it was slightly painful. I was so horrible I couldn't even do the moves a few times because then I was laughing too hard. I wouldn't say the class was fun, but I would say that it was fun-NEY.

Hurry up Spring!

Right now I think I have onion breath. I'm furiously chewing gum to try and rid my mouth of it. And will soon be brushing my teeth (with the toothbrush and toothpaste I have especially to reside at my desk) to try and cover up the odor as well. Against my better judgement today I got onions on my Subway sandwich. I thought, "Heck, I should just get all the vegetables!" (Without the olives of course.) Should have left off the onions too.

I went to see An Education this weekend. I recommend it. Actually, I recommend it to the right audience. If you're wondering if you're the right audience you can ask me. But if you read the synopsis and think it's too snitchy for you, I will tell you that it's not. And I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I'm sure you're wondering what the heck "snitchy" means. If you're not, you're either a) my mom, dad, sister, grandmother or b) a former roommate, current roommate, roommate of one of my sisters, or an almost roommate (that would be you Erin and Liz). Snitchy is my family word for anything inappropriate. It began when I was in Kindergarten and saw people kissing on TV. I ran to cover the TV telling my family not to watch because the people were being snitchy. (What a good little girl.) How is snitchy used in a sentence? Well, let me give you some examples.

Snitchy example #1
Situation: A scantily clad woman showing cleavage and lots of leg. (I'd find a picture if I wasn't worried about pulling up porn.)
Sentence: "Whoa, look at that woman's outfit! It's totally snitchy!"

Snitchy example #2
Situation: A love scene in a movie (I would also find a picture but I know this would lead to an inappropriate picture.)
Sentence: "I liked the movie but there was a really snitchy part in it."

Does that make sense? Anyway, An Education was way less snitchy than I was expecting. What does that say about me? That I'm totally ok with snitchy movies? Hm... I don't know. But, I will tell you that the movie is PG-13 and I liked it.

I also saw Invictus last night for FHE at the Drafthouse (a movie theater that's also a restaurant). I liked it. And proceeded to grill my rugby playing friend on the metro this morning on all the rules of the game. All I knew from going to the one rugby game I went to in college was that they lifted guys up by their tiny shorts and they do that huddle thing called the scrum. Now I am semi-equipped to understand a game.

And lastly, it's March and I'm ready for Spring to be here. Please don't snow again. I've had my snow days. I'm ready for sunnier weather.

Cabin fever

I'm finally going back to work tomorrow. Last time I was at work was last Friday. It's been a whole week! And, I have a three day weekend too! Sounds pretty posh. But, I'm ready for a little more structure in my day so this is good.

What did I do today?

1. cleaned my room really good-- it now NEEDS that chaise for the corner
2. shoveled the trash cans out so the garbage man can get them tomorrow
3. made the driveway opening wider so my roommate can get her car out, luckily a LOT of work was done before us
4. watched Law and Order--I just like that show

My new roommate Rebecca is a photographer and took some really pretty pictures yesterday. Check them out HERE. (P.S. Those are my galoshes in the picture. They look so cute!)

Exhibitionist?

My friend Debbie picks me up in the mornings so we can go to the gym together before the sun even rises. This morning I texted her shortly after my alarm went, off feeling too tired to go and deciding that an extra 45 min to an hour would do me a lot of good. Besides I thought, I'll just go after work.

Unfortunately Debbie didn't get my text.

I heard her little honk out front and was dragged out of my sleep a bit. I saw light flooding through the gap in my door.

I gasped a bit and thought, "Debbie thinks I'm up because the light is on!"

Dang. One of my roommates was up. Debbie always knows I've slept through my alarm or turned my alarm off (or in the case of Monday morning, forgot to change the time on my alarm and was disoriented when I woke up at 7 because I had dreamed I had already been at the gym) because the lights are off and our house is really dark.

Then I thought, "I'm sooooooooo tired. I can't go to the gym." And I rolled over.

But then I started to feel guilty. How long would she wait out there expecting me to come out the door? Why did I decide sleep was more important than getting fit?

So, I jumped out of bed. Decided I didn't have enough time to get dressed for the gym because then I'd get home late, I'd miss the bus, I'd be late for work, blah blah blah. So I grabbed my robe and ran down the stairs to the front door.

The porch light was on so I knew Debbie could see me. Or at least I thought she could see me.

She didn't.

I danced around on the spot for a second and then ran out the door, barefoot, and in the cold, wearing only my thin robe* that was only just covering my underwear. I explained the missed text, ran back in the house and jumped back into bed.

Besides, I'm going to the gym tonight.

* * *

Or at least I planned on it until I realized I forgot my shoes which are sitting by the couch underneath the coffee table.

*To see the robe, you can go HERE.

Four months!

Today is my four month anniversary of moving to the East Coast!

A few of my favorite things:

1. Having a job and working in the District
2. Easily accessed trips to NYC
3. Not having home work to do when I get home at the end of the day.
4. Running past the Washington Monument, White House, WWII Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, and Jefferson Memorials as well as running along the Mall after work.
5. Being in cute very East Coast neighborhoods like Capital Hill and Eastern market neighborhoods, Georgetown, or my own neighborhood.

I like it here. I think I'll stay for a while.

Halloween

We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!

Tinwoman (Katie); Scarecrow (Andrea); Cowardly Lion (Erin)

(And, a special thanks to Holly for the pictures!)

Brooke

Read me

May 23, 2004: I sat with her at church. We talked about her freshman year and her missionary. I talked about my upcoming Study Abroad to Vienna.

May 24, 2004: A member of the Stake Presidency calls for my dad saying something about a “Stake Emergency”. My dad’s not home from work yet. When he finally gets home my mom has dinner waiting. He runs in the house puts on grubby clothes and runs out the door where his ride is waiting to take him to Corvallis to look for her.

May 26, 2004: We hold a Stake Fast.

Memorial Day 2004: We put up flyers all over Corvallis, answer “hotline” phone calls and traipse through the shrubbery, fields and forest for her.

May 2005: New evidence has come forward.

Winter 2006: I’m on my mission. My mom writes telling me they think they found the guy who did it. I cry openly in the dark internet café.

May 2006: It’s been two years. They hold a memorial service for her. Her missionary cries a lot. I get the program in the mail.

Over the last three years there were bits of evidence that came forward. They were pretty sure they found the guy who did it. Then they found her hair in his car. They knew they had the guy who did it. He had a trial in New Mexico. Then he was sent to Oregon.

September 21, 2009: He confesses to the murder and tells where the remains are.

I’m in shock. I feel sick. I feel selfish. I whined about not having friends. Yet in the last five years I have done more things and made more friends and have had more experiences than she ever did.

Selfish indeed.

But I know she was a good person, a wonderfully good person. I have no doubt that she is happy, that she is with Heavenly Father and that she will be with her wonderful family again. I’m so happy for the Plan of Salvation.

I’ll post happier from now on.

Unintentional hiatus

Last week I blogged once. Not that you sat around waiting for me to update. But it's unusual.

I don't know what's going on with me. I'm feeling weird lately. My brain has so many conflicting thoughts and emotions that are too private for me to blog openly about. Things I don't like discussing with anyone really.

I'm not particularly happy right now, but I wouldn't say I was unhappy either. I just am. Don't think I'm totally depressed or anything. I'm not. I have happy moments, I'm still quick to laugh and smile but I don't quite have something right now that is making me excited for the now, or looking forward to the future.

I'm not regretting my decision to move.

I have new friends here, but with new friends comes uncharted territory as you try and figure out how much you should hang out with someone without looking needy or how much affection to show just in case they aren't feeling the same way back etc.

I'm missing the familiarity that comes from living in the same place for years.
I'm missing the easiness of getting around with a car.
I'm missing not having to calculate the time difference for calling friends.

It's just a post graduation adjustment that I have to get used to.

Anywhere but here...

Today I don't want to be at work. I don't want to be in DC. I don't want to go to the gym after work. I don't want to clean my room after work.

I just want to be anywhere but here.

And, if I had a choice, it would be preferably here:

Yesterday

Yesterday I had aspirations of writing my thoughts about September 11, 2001 but got side tracked by work.

Yesterday I wanted to write about how it affected me and how I still thought about it when I was in New York last weekend.

Yesterday I wanted to write about how I commute to work using the Pentagon metro stop and how I think about that day long ago when I was still in high school with no thoughts about actually moving to the east.

But today as I woke up and have read news articles and personal stories of those directly affected by the tragedies eight years ago I don't feel like any of my thoughts would mean much. I grew up in the west. All my family is in the west (minus my sisters who are in Malaysia, Helsinki and Paris) and I will most likely, some day, settle in the west again.

But just because I'm from the west, it doesn't mean that day didn't affect me, and doesn't stay with me now. I just know I will never be able to understand the way those who lived it understand, but I'm still American and it's still my country that I love.

Prom

Last night my sister went to Prom, so it made me think about my proms so I dug up some old pictures:

Junior Prom
Melanie was my date. This picture was so completely candid. We weren't ready for it and I just kind of threw my leg in the air and opened my mouth. But I love it and it makes me happy. My mom made my dress for me. And for the record, it wasn't dorky for us to be each other's dates.

Senior Prom
My date and I are in the middle. I made my dress this year. This picture was taken up at Hendrick's Park in Eugene.

But enough about me, here are some pictures of my sister and her friends. They were so cute, and went in a group of girls. Apparently one of them had a horrible date experience the year before and wanted to just go with her friends.

Prom 2009
My mom made Rachel's dress and worked on it literally up until the time Rach put it on. We bought her necklace, headband and shoes the day of the prom too. But it all worked out wonderfully and I think Rach is the cutest one (but then again, I'm a little biased).

After helping the girls get ready at our house I hung out with my parents. A kid I used to babysit, who is now 17, and his band were playing their first gig at the Wow Hall, a local music venue, so we went to support them. The kid told my mom they were playing between 7:30 and 8 (they were the first band) so we get there at 7:30 and my mom rushes in and asks the ticket office if the first band has already started (we could hear the music already). The guy tells her yes they've already started so my mom goes rushing into the music hall and opens the doors (which were closed and blocked by a trashcan), she comes out a couple minutes later wondering why no one is in there and why everyone is waiting in the foyer. Turns out the band was doing their soundcheck. All I can think is, great, we have a whole bunch of punk teenagers here for the "Rock Against Prom" show and I'm hanging out with my parents. I'm decked out in cute sandals, capri pants, and a frilly Anthropologie shirt and surrounded by 16-17 year olds in their skinny jeans, personalized converse sneakers, studded belts, and unique thrift store t-shirt finds. Not only are we clearly the oldest people there but we can't even attempt to blend in because of our conservative clothes. Turns out that the show doesn't start till 8. We take a walk around the block to relieve ourselves of the displacement and to find somewhere to eat after the show. Although the show was fun and I'm glad I was able to see the formerly shy, computer playing gawky kid on stage with teenage girls screaming for him as he walked over towards them with his guitar, and hearing "Victor's sexy!" yelled during breaks between songs, I'm so glad I never have to go to prom again (with it's accompanying drama) or go to anti-prom rock concerts surrounded by kids thinking they're so cool and cutting edge while they go against the norm.

That is a chapter in my life that, while it was enjoyed at the time, I'm so glad to never have to repeat.

Also, I found the cord to upload pictures, so check out this post so you can see my flag cake!

alum

More pictures and an actual post to come later!

To Do

Find this cool old card catalog generator here.

I just don't know

My job was posted on the BYU job site. It’s weird. I’m graduating. I will no longer be a college undergrad. I don’t know what I’m doing when I graduate. I went to the career counseling center. He talked a lot about working for the Foreign Service. That sounds cool. He found out I went to Poland on my mission, he assumes I speak Polish (I sort of do), he talked all about how I would be highly marketable with my Polish skills and how he helped a student get a job with the Foreign Service and now they are a diplomat in Warsaw. I speak missionary Polish. There is a huge difference. Ask me to bear my testimony, I will. Ask me to recite the First Vision, I can do that. Ask me to have a normal non-missionary, non-church related conversation and corresponding personality, I’m finished. I get nervous and tongue tied and stumble over words, grammar and pronunciation. But enough with my serious lack of Polish, then the guy talked to me about doing management. Apparently places like Walgreens, Enterprise (Rent-a-car) and Kohls have programs to teach you management skills. Do I want to do that? Heck! I have no idea!

I’m moving. I can’t stay in Provo if I don’t have a job and I can’t have my job when I’m graduating. It’s stressful. I’m moving to Oregon. I’m waiting to hear from an internship to see how long I’ll be in Eugene. I don’t know. I might move to DC. I might stay in Oregon. I don’t really want to stay in Eugene. I like it there, but I’m almost 25, I don’t really want to live at home.

I’m indecisive. I never thought I was. Jess is the indecisive one in the family. She could never decide where to eat for her birthday or which ski slope to go down. I always thought I was good at making decisions, although maybe too impulsive, but I've always been good at doing what I wanted to do. And now, I just don't know.

What I do know however is that it was entirely too cold outside today and I have a headache from all the wind and I'm going to take a nap. Sleeping always makes things seem momentarily better.

Spring!

Today is the first day of Spring! It makes me think of Easter; Spring Breaks of the past: Disneyland, visiting Grandparents, Grand Canyon, and Hawaii; Track season; Reese's eggs; General Conference; Rain and puddles; white legs being unveiled; flowers; wet grass; the smell of fresh rain and sprinklers being used again; chirping birds outside my window in the morning; light sweaters and cardigans; days getting longer; and school coming to an end. I love Spring! It rivals Fall as my favorite season. They're both seasons with the most color but I love how Spring gets increasingly warmer and walking to school without a jacket has a strange sense of excitement.

Yellow

There’s nothing better than coming home and having no responsibilities.

Today I watched TV. Then I got my hair cut:

Then I went shopping. Then I watched TV some more. (Beckham was on Ellen. Highlight.)

As exciting as it is to not have any responsibilities, with the possibility of lazing about, I still feel a sense of loss now that the semester has ended. I don't quite know what to do. I'm not avoiding homework, I just don't have any to do and feel a little lost. I have no direction because I no longer have classes or homework. Maybe I just need a little more closure than actual finals. Maybe an end of the year party would have helped. Maybe if there were parties, not only would there be a little closure, but everyone would be just a little happier.

But then again, maybe I just think this way because I'm a yellow.