Now I realize I talk about my mission a lot. If it bothers you, I apologize. I think it's because I have two sisters on missions right now that I think and talk about it a lot. But I really do think about my mission a lot. I remember hearing a talk in the MTC by Elder Holland saying that he thought about his mission everyday. I remember thinking that I hoped I didn't think about my mission everyday because that would be living too much in the past!
(Zbyszek and his wife Ewa, investigators in Warsaw)
There are probably some days that I don't really think about my mission, but most days it seems like I have some little Poland thought or other. I might think of a funny experience or a friend there (usually Ewa or Karolina). I read my sister's letters about their struggles and triumphs and can't believe how similar Cami's Finnish mission is to mine.
But today, this day, four years ago, I started my mission. I didn't know what to expect. It was exciting, it was hard, it was stressful but it was mostly worth it.
(About to go into the MTC. I'm with my Grandparents, aunt and cousin. Picture scanned on my work scanner. Not that great.)
I had a hard time after my mission feeling like the service I had done was "good enough". I spent a year in counseling in the free BYU counseling center. I lamented telling my Mission President that I had done my "best" during my go-home-interview because I felt like I had lied. I hadn't really felt like I had done my "best" but told him, "Yes" because I knew that was the right answer.
Over a year after my mission I finally realized I had done a good job and that God had accepted it and was happy. And I was happy too.
5 comments:
i think about poland all the time too, and lots of our patients here are russian so they always laugh when i speak to them in polish. how i miss it!
I totally know what you mean! I always felt like my mission was a total failure and it took me so long to feel like it wasn't. And also talk about my mission a lot. Sometimes it makes me feel like I have no life, but it is just such a big part of my life! And guess what? I went into to MTC five years and two weeks ago. i didn't realize you were my mirror group!
I'm completely with you! And don't forget our best isn't necessarily the same as what our best would be now! Come visit soon! I'm not going to RI over columbus day! So you should come!
I love your mission stories! It's fun to get to live through you since I didn't have the guts to go. Very interesting how you felt your service "wasn't good enough." I wonder how often we do that to ourselves in our day-to-day lives as well.
Missions are the hardest thing, and in many ways the best thing. I admire you for going. So, so much. And as an aside, I had the same beige cardigan on my own mission.
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